My husband needs to get a job
Dear Lord, please watch over my husband. He went for his second interview for a job last week and is waiting for a response from the company. He was laid off from his job over two years and had become very depressed. He then worked for a family member and he laid my husband off over the phone. He now feels he must have done wrong in his life to have this happen.
- Turns Out That the Husband’s Job Is Probably the Best Predictor of Divorce
- Help My Husband jobs
- Hardworking wife who resents unemployed husband has 2 choices
- Prayer for my husband to get a job
- Unemployed men: how female partners suffer
- How to Support Your Husband during His Job Search
- Supporting a Spouse or Partner who has Relocated for Your Career
- When Husbands Don’t Work, Marriages Fall Apart
- An Unmotivated Husband
- Being the Breadwinner Is Destroying My Marriage
Turns Out That the Husband’s Job Is Probably the Best Predictor of Divorce
In our " Money Mic " series, we hand over the podium to someone with a strong opinion on a financial topic.
These are their views, not ours, but we welcome your responses. Today, one woman discusses her deep misgivings about her marriage, why she resents being the sole breadwinner and how her dynamic with her husband affects their kids.
Money is emotional and sensitive, so please respect that each person makes individual choices. For things you can do in a similar situation to strengthen your relationships and talk about money, keep reading. And frankly, I don't have time to think about it, between my full-time job and my fledgling business, volunteering at an after-school program to help teenagers prepare for the professional world and mothering two children.
But when I do think about it--when I think about all the times I come home to see evidence of his entire day's activities cluttering the coffee table, or when I have to take our shared car to work and strand him at home because he doesn't feel like getting up to drive me--I'm angry.
The idea of a wife being the primary or sole breadwinner is a relatively new one though a new study shows that over half of American women are household breadwinners , but speaking as that sole earner: I don't like it.
How We Got Here My husband and I met on my first day of work, at a job with a local utility company that I got right out of high school. That job paid for me to attend college, and I still work there to this day. It took him two weeks to work up the courage to ask me out, and we've been together ever since, about 20 years.
I bought my house before we were married, so although he lived with me, I was the sole owner. In , I took a new position and he left the utility company to care for our daughter after a surgery--I supported that, for obvious reasons.
After, he re-entered the workforce to work for a friend's mortgage company, where he made half of his previous salary.
Then, when the economy crashed in , the mortgage company failed and my husband was out of a job. Since he would be home, he took on the role of Mr. Mom though he hates when I call him that : cooking, cleaning occasionally and being there for our two children, who are now 7 and Our kids are older now, and while I'd like him to go back to work, he isn't interested.
While he was transitioning, so was I. I started my own party-planning company. Now, I work a job at the utility company so the family has health insurance and a steady paycheck. Then, I work nights and weekends to supplement my income with party planning, which is my real passion. I would love to do my event planning a job my husband hates because it takes me away from the house full-time I don't have money for an emergency fund, and my husband couldn't support us if my business didn't pan out.
Unfortunately, I don't see that changing anytime soon. He's Happy With His Unemployment He's been unemployed now for four years, and is supposedly looking. He says that the economy is terrible and that there are no jobs, but I remind him there are job fairs and temp agencies. I forward job opportunities to him, but he has other arguments against getting a job: The kinds of jobs available things like working for a local transportation company are "humiliating"; there are no jobs to be had.
Those excuses are buoyed by the fact that he has money. From where, I don't know, because he won't tell me frustrating, huh? He thinks I'll disapprove His money goes toward groceries for the family, car maintenance, hanging out with friends and personal items, like clothes. He actually doesn't hide his spending from me, but he never tells me exactly what things cost. My Finances vs. His We don't share bank accounts. I contribute to my retirement savings and our children's college fund, as well as pay the mortgage and the bills.
He contributes to none of these things, and has at this point drained his retirement savings--but I couldn't tell you how much that was to begin with, because he's not open about it. I see our gender dynamic playing out in our children: Our teenage daughter is a hard worker who does her chores, participates in extracurriculars like debate team and interns with my event planning company.
Our young son rarely does his chores or homework, but expects to get everything he asks for, when he asks for it. He sees that his father doesn't work for things, and he doesn't, either. Plus, when I try to give him tough love, his father or grandparents cave in when I'm not around.
Part of it is that he's so young, but I worry he doesn't have a male role model to teach him the value of hard work. What Next? Ideally, my husband and I would contribute equally to the household expenses. Even if he could cover half the mortgage, I would be happier. Right now, we can't afford to go on a family vacation or renovate the kitchen, which needs some work.
My husband knows how much his disinterest in working bothers me, and so does the rest of my family. Except the children--I don't want them to feel like I do, like their dad isn't doing what he should for them.
I've told him before that he needs to move out, but after 20 years, he knows how to apologize, promise he'll change and keep me from pursuing a separation or divorce. My friends say that if he was married to anyone else, he wouldn't get away with this.
They say it makes me a pushover, and I'm puzzled by it, too. I'm non-confrontational and generally very laid-back, but I have no problem standing up for myself Sometimes I think of getting divorced, but we live in Pennsylvania, which means legally he'll likely be entitled to half of our assets from the marriage--half of my assets. I try so hard to be upbeat and not let this bother me, but on our last anniversary, I started telling him how I felt about his lack of contribution and motivation, and nothing has changed since then.
We're very grateful that Jessica has opened up to us and shared this very personal story. Please respect her willingness to share and be sensitive in your comments. What should she do? She should either ask her husband to come to counseling with her or start going by herself so she can figure out what she wants to do.
This is so emotionally charged that it's not even about the money at this point. If he's hiding money from her, that's financial infidelity and he leaves her in a tough spot. What about advice for other couples struggling with income disparity?
Sophia says, "When there's a large income discrepancy, we generally recommend each person put the same percentage of his or her income in a joint checking account to cover the household bills.
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News U. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. Newsletters Coupons. Follow Us. Part of HuffPost News. All rights reserved. Huffington Post. People have a lot of opinions about money. I can't even remember when my husband stopped working. Why should he get everything, when I do everything? I have no savings otherwise, because all my money is needed to support our household. Our next anniversary is coming up fast Suggest a correction. Newsletter Sign Up. Successfully Subscribed!
Help My Husband jobs
At some point in your career, you may be faced with a choice of whether or not to relocate to a new city, state or even across the country for your work. In the corporate world, where takeovers and reorganizations are a fact of life, this is often a reality. Even if you never find yourself forced to move for your current job, you may choose relocation as a way to follow a new career path or move up in your company.
In our " Money Mic " series, we hand over the podium to someone with a strong opinion on a financial topic. These are their views, not ours, but we welcome your responses. Today, one woman discusses her deep misgivings about her marriage, why she resents being the sole breadwinner and how her dynamic with her husband affects their kids. Money is emotional and sensitive, so please respect that each person makes individual choices.
Hardworking wife who resents unemployed husband has 2 choices
In reality, about a third do, down from the divorce surge of the s and s, though second and third marriages are much more vulnerable. Recent marriages are doing particularly well thus far: Just 15 percent of the Americans who tied the knot since have decided to get it undone within the first eight years of marriage. The predictors of divorce, however, remain mysterious. But in a new study published in the American Sociological Review , Harvard sociologist Alexandra Achen Killewald has found that the things that increase the probability of divorce — as they relate to work, at least — have changed over the past couple decades. The data set is enviably large. She tracked 6, married couples between and , 1, of whom divorced or permanently separated during that time. In the early cohort, wives who did 50 percent of the housework had a 1.
Prayer for my husband to get a job
Both for me, and for him? I think its the combination of the two issues. If he was just bad at job searching, I could figure out how to best assist him. If he was good with searching but just a crankypants, I could probably manage that as well.
I have been working since my now-husband and I have been together. He has bounced from job to job and finally landed on the couch. What money I received from my inheritance is all but gone.
Unemployed men: how female partners suffer
Nicole has been married three years, and her husband hasn't been able to maintain a job during that time. She doesn't know how to motivate him to keep a job and is frustrated. Dave suggests laying down some ground rules now.
Supporting a husband during unemployment can be stressful. There are probably a lot of questions going through your head: How will you support your family financially? How can you help him find a new job? How should you adjust your budget? If you have children at home, how are they going to take the news? How can you alleviate your fears, find answers to your questions, and offer the support your husband needs?
How to Support Your Husband during His Job Search
Long-term unemployment can be a debilitating experience, made worse by the self-loathing that compounds the problem. But while the consequences for those unemployed are well documented, there's another casualty whose suffering is less frequently considered: the spouse. In an attempt to help their partners through what is a tumultuous time, these women endure substantial turmoil themselves. The impact of male unemployement affects female partners too. Credit: Fairfax. A study published this month in the Journal of Marriage and Family provides a step towards understanding their emotions.
Dad does yardwork and housework, ferries the four kids — and still makes his spouse laugh, so what is bothering her? He left his last job without informing me to be an entrepreneur. I, however, finished a degree, have maintained upward mobility, and now have full- and part-time jobs, both of which I enjoy.
Supporting a Spouse or Partner who has Relocated for Your Career
The business of divorce prediction, that is to say, is murky. It has nothing to do with money or whether the wife is working too. This revelation is just one of many to come from the work of Alexandra Killewald. A professor of sociology at Harvard, Killewald takes a statistical approach to inequality in the United States , focusing primarily on the relationships between work, family, and income.
When Husbands Don’t Work, Marriages Fall Apart
An Unmotivated Husband
Being the Breadwinner Is Destroying My Marriage